Keep on truckin...it will happen

So I have recently gone through one of the most difficult experiences of my life. I had a miscarriage after carrying my baby for 12 weeks. I don't doubt that a miscarriage at any time is devistating, but for my husband and I it knocked us...and it knocked us down hard. I think because it was so late in the game...I had made plans; lots and lots of plans. Not only for the baby, but for me, and our family. I was going to have a baby to hold and kiss by Christmas...a special little bundle that could be passed from one family member to another at my mom and dad's annual Christmas party. I could say that we would have a new family member by the end of the year. I really became completely enveloped in the idea of being a mom and having a child. And when that gets taken away from you, it's really hard to imagine that it's gone. My whole life was centered around this little baby. Everyday...everything you do...becomes about the baby or the pregnancy...when you go grocery shopping, when you go out for dinner, when you go to sleep, when you get dressed...EVERYTHING. When you lose your baby you have to learn how to live life the way that you lived it before you became pregnant...and you DON"T want to do that!! Then your thoughts...oh the thoughts that run through your head (as you can probably see by randomness of this blog)...they jump from one thing to another...I'm sad, I'm angry, why did this happen, is it going to happen again...will I even become pregnant again...I mean my god...I need to take a vacation from myself! So...this is the reason for my first attempt at a blog...it's an opportunity for me to just write... write everything that I am thinking and feeling and perhaps a time to give myself a break from all the things that are going on in my life and in my head. Hopefully as I go these posts will become a little more positive. I guess only time will tell.